Marriage

Before I got married, I sometimes wondered why so many women seemed to struggle with the concept of submission. How hard could it be? How often would I be called on to submit to my husband? And if he loved me, wouldn’t he always want to listen to my point of view and accept my advice? And as I got older, I began to think of submission as a small price to pay for being married, that the gift of marriage would far offset whatever a submissive heart would cost.

It’s been interesting putting this into practice. Most of the time we can come to some kind of agreement. But sometimes we can’t. And I learned pretty quickly when my husband was not going to yield; it was obvious to me when it was pointless to continue the discussion. So we did things his way. My call was to support the decision that I didn’t agree with.

And it was a good thing we did. Most of those times, he was right. We were much better off with his plan than mine. Submitting my will to his in those times I didn’t agree usually meant we made a better decision than I would have made on my own.

I Peter 3:1 tells us that a wife submitting to her unbelieving husband can win him to Christ. I think that verse also applies to a wife submitting to her believing husband. By doing so, by not trying to get my way or impose my will, (no matter how much I think I am right), I am getting out of God’s way for whatever work He happens to be doing in my husband.

In verse 8 Peter tells us not to give way to fear. Why would he say this? Fear can make submission harder. Fear of not getting my way. Fear of something going wrong. Fear of losing control. When I think about those fears specifically, I can see that they are not going to provide any good guidance.

Along with submission, wives are called to respect their husbands. In my long years of singleness, I was constantly amazed at the way women talked to their husbands or mocked them in social settings. The women may have thought their jokes were all in good fun, but it was clear to me their husbands were not equally entertained.

We are also called to love. I find myself squirming as I read I Corinthians 13. Am I patient and kind? Am I not rude? Not easily angered? Keeping no record of wrongs? It’s a high standard to live up to, only attainable through Christ who strengthens me.

What does this mean for the single person? Learning to practice submission, respect and love can help in any relationship. Having a submissive attitude to your boss, rather than one of combativeness can be a good skill to learn. Treating others with respect and kindness, even when they act like they don’t want or deserve this treatment can teach us all much in walk with Christ.